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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
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8:51 pm - The pleasures of Christmas break
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Ahh slept in to midday.... really needed it. I was beginning to think I was crazy for waking up early so many days in a row.
Went to the bank a took care of my ticket and even got to go to Saks Fifth. Chris took me to the Cheesecake Factory last night so I'm fixing to eat cheesecake, a banana, a sandwich, chips, and maybe some pickles. Yum!
By brain is a bit fogged from all the extra sleep though, so think I will read for a bit. Don't think I am up to financial aid stuff yet.
At least the weather has made the sky pretty today.
current mood:  content
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| Monday, December 12th, 2005
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4:28 pm - Another quiz
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3:52 pm - I want to read Wyrd Sisters...
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Well I learned a little bit about witchcraft - thought about the esoteric mysteries of circle casting and the ritual use of elemental altars.
Now I want to go check out that Pratchett novel on casette. Well Chris did mention that he had never heard of Pratchett - and so we could listen together when we drive to his gradparents.
Hehehe
Now if I can just tie Chris to a chair and force feed him more Pratchett.
Better go put buy some ash and candles for my altar, don't want to start my rituals the wrong way... I'll read some more to decide what She would've done.
current mood: accomplished
current music: Mourning by Elysium
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| Sunday, December 11th, 2005
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9:39 am - A new start for my journal
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I guess this is where I will start going to bare my soul on the net. Good thing my new religion won't depend on souls.
So this is my new journal... mine... all mine *insert sadistic laughter*
My name is Robyn and I'm from Austin. I am currently 19 years old and my life is constantly getting ahead of my brain. I go to a crazy school and have decided it's best to just take up the crazy spiritual path.
I am sitting here before an interesting day of tutoring waiting for my witchcraft class to begin. Have no idea what subject we I'm covering this mroning, will have to check the curriculum. Haven't really been following an exact cirriculum because I want a little freedom to explore. Probably start in on the huge topic of magical healing.
So, things to do this weekend.
1. Write a letter for financial aid (The Business Office is concerned about my 2.8!). But I suppose before I write the note I need to come up with an emotion, the blame of last semester. Would be nice if I though depression or rape would cover it... well I can dream can't I?
2. Finish covering next 2 topics for the Tapestry - one is on pagan fashion and is mostly funny, the other is serious and on magical healing - may as well convert all the readings into another class for me - it's worked in the past.
3. Clean out the back room so I can use it as a temple this winter this winter. After finishing my cleaning frenzy maybe I'll do something with the fridge that has something rotting in the drawer with the vegetables in it.
4. Try to do something with the cats such as find a way to let them out back of our apartment. This may involve but a collar and actually watching them the first few times. Hmmm might even get rid of the grey cat so there's no more allergies.
5. Actually buy some flowers, pile them in the bedroom for good essences, then maybe just have incredible sex to top it off. Then maybe I'll buy some more veggies for my diet, doing okay so far on gaining weight though. Oh and I'm eating a lot more protein in eggs and stuff.
Well I suppose I should get ready for circle and also try to fix up this journal so I feel it is really a new start...
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| Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
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1:12 am
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i'm only 18. and the things that I've shared with austin make me think I should be at least 21. the pregnancy stuff I mean. specifically all the paternity issues. I never want anything like that to happen again. I will never cheat on Austin. I can't handle being that dumb twice in my life. But one more time, I'm assuring myself that Austin isn't Chris all over again. Though some of the surface similarities are funny. oldest of three boys. 16 when we started dating. pretty. how fast I fell. but it's different in that I'm not crawling on my hands and knees trying to keep him happy. He maintains his own happiness and I just complete that.
Mostly I'm just here to get to know you babe and maybe have a little fun in the process.
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| Thursday, April 1st, 2004
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12:44 am
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That sick feeling in my stomach hit me again today. You know that feeling of your spirit dying as you let a guy walk all over you yet again?
But in reality who ever truly just ran themselves over me? When I go into my shell of fear that whomever is going to just disregard my wishes and take advantage of my body, the guys stop. I don't go out with such jerks like that.
I remember one specific time that Chris crossed those lines. It was after Homecoming Freshman year and I had, time and again, made it clear the boundary lines were just making out. All the same, on the way home when we stopped to park, he climbed into the back seat and asked me to join him. I remember thinking, "He perfected this system with many other girls before me. Girls that are better than me in every way..." But all the same, I climbed into the backseat determined to uphold my boundary line. We made out for a little while. He tried to push things and I said no.
Then for a couple of moments after I said no, I froze. I mean I still kissed him back, but he had managed to climb on top of me (which was new territory at the time) and was pulling down my dress. After about two minutes, though it seemed like longer, he stopped.
He apologized a lot afterwards, but that's the first time I ever remember feeling that sick feeling of my soul dying. So tonight when it happened again, but not, it was just confusing.
I don't know why I let myself hurt, but I can't always have my guard up. And Austin's a good guy. And never has even come close to hurting me.
Someday, it'll be good, right?
Tomorrow's gonna be a great day.
~Robyn~
current mood:  frustrated
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| Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
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6:08 pm - my thoughts on... labor
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I don't wanna take any drugs while I'm in labor. I want to feel the miracle of childbirth and see my baby without anything inside me messing with it. I want to hold Austin's hand and get through it with him. Today, all I worry about is when. So, when?
current mood:  relaxed
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| Thursday, March 18th, 2004
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3:55 pm - last night
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Last night after a few hours of watching Twenty One Grams went over to Austin's and plucked hairs off 3 of his toes, then I just got tired and we had sex (which I rarely ever get to enjoy, but we have recently discovered the art of making it pleasurable for me as well) and since I haven't been in the mood much lately, we had sex till midnight. But neither of us came, today I'm sore though!
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| Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
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1:13 pm
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mothers always know best
last night I awoke in the middle of the night due to a coughing fit... I thought for a minute that I had a baby I was supposed to be taking care of...
I laid there for about 4 minutes trying to figure out if I transported to a different part of my life... eventually my head started hurting... I took a motrin... 5 minutes later I was out... some day it's just too much to wait... I wonder if it's okay to stretch beyond my years to fantasize about the future...
I really should go take a shower... it's bloody cold inside... about 74.5 outside.... it makes him sick to think about having kids... he cried about wanting to vomit at the notion of it... I don't think it's always fair for me to want something that would cause him pain...
But I am a mother already
so I guess I know what I'm doing
but today I'm stressed out and I just want to cry
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| Friday, March 5th, 2004
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12:15 am
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Who knows why I felt fat today? Well, maybe I'm just pre-menstrual bloated. I was all uncomforable today. Then I had heartburn tonight. Blah.
current mood:  jealous
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| Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
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12:21 am
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tmi about yeast infections
so my dad thinks that because the coldsores on my nose is in additional to my eyes irritating me, he think I may have a yeast infection. I know nothing about yeast infections on the face. Any thoughts? I feel like such a dumbass for taking those antibiotics and making myself susceptible to so many diseases
~Mistress of the Night, Quicker than Light!
current mood: creative
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| Monday, March 1st, 2004
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11:49 pm
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last week I was sick. it turns out it wasn't strep, but who knows what it was.
so I was whiny sick. I even cried a few times to austin.
and he took care of me.
it just made me realize how great he's going to be when our kids get sick.
I'd hate to see them hurt that bad, but at least Bear will take care of them.
current mood:  energetic
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| Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
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1:13 pm - My Interview
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Name- Robyn
Year you gave birth- 2003
Age- 18
Maritial Status- single
Class (Upper, middle, working)- working
career status at the time of pregnancy- part-time
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Did the factors listed above (age, class, maritial status..) influence your pregnancy? and in what ways? definitely, my young age kept me from getting the health care I needed my first 5 monthes and also a little due to the fact that I didn't have much money. The fact that I was single though helped keep me optimistic about the future because the father would've been abusive.
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How frequently did you see your physician(midwife)? about 1-2 times a month
What were you told not to do? drink alcohol, have rough sex, sit in hot tubs, drugs, smoking
What were you told to do in order to have a healthy baby? listen to my body, get plenty of sleep, stay active, get testing done to check up on fetus
Was pregnancy regarded as a normal part of life, or a medical process? medical process
Were their certain foods that were labeled as healthy and dangerous? not really, but I'm a vegetarian so that might've effected what she told me
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What labor and delivery training was available during pregnancy? (Lamaze, Bradley, Leboyer, or Childbirth Education classes, or none available) I didn't take any classes
What labor practices were encouraged and discouraged?(medication, breathing techniques, etc.) encouraged by who? My parents encouraged me to not use medication and my mom taught me some breathing techniques
What medication did you receive during labor? Did you have a C-section? none
Was husband (male companion) participation encouraged? Discouraged? Never considered? never considered
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What was the impact of the mother's labor and delivery practices on their neonates? (Misshapen heads, baby sleepy from anesthesia during delivery, eyes closed due to medications? etc.) Jade was perfectly healthy
Was there a belief that the baby should be with the mother whenever possible? I got to spend plenty of time with Jade
How much time did the baby spend in the nursery? How often were they brought to the mother? We only had to stay in the hospital for 10 hours after the delivery to finish running tests on me to make sure I was okay, but I got to see Jade whenever I wanted to
Were the mothers encouraged to breastfeed or bottle feed? Who helped them to breast fed, if they did? How often were babies fed? I breastfed, but I think they prefered if I had've bottlefed
Was your baby circumcised? Was leaving the baby uncircumcised considered an option? Were you in attendance during the procedure? female, so no!
How long did the mother remain in the hospital? What activities were disallowed? Was a band placed around the mother's or infant's abdomen? Why? 10 hours; I wasn't allowed to leave, but I could do whatever I wanted to pretty much; no
Were you aware of the dropping off of the umbilical cord? yes
What supports were available to the new family after they returned home? (nurses visited, new parent support group, etc.) nothing except livejournal communities
Anything else you can add? I'm not sure if this was helpful because my pregnancy wasn't considered average for our time period. I think most women get much better medical attention than I did.
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| Thursday, February 19th, 2004
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10:57 pm
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so I was thinking about it tonight and the earliest Austin and I could get married is... 2007! That's forever away.... and I think that's pushing it for him. Damn men!
But anyway, here's the list of baby names:
Gabriel Adam
Tycho Bryan
As for girls:
Who wants a girl?
But seriously, suggestions are good.
current music: Hurting Each Other- the Carpenters
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| Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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7:06 pm - Update!
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Just listened to the whole Chicago CD. It has an edgy sound to all the old versions that I used to listen to.
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| Monday, February 16th, 2004
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2:45 am
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one of my coworkers is pregnant. I hope she has a baby shower. then I have a legit reason for baby shopping, and I can go for 3 hours at a time. but I will probably not get her much. well, really only because she's obnoxious, and I don't like her views on parenting. I guess I feel that just because you get knocked up before you're ready, doesn't mean you should marry the guy and force your whole life to be a mistake.
current mood:  peaceful
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2004
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7:41 pm
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Why does the blonde have bruises around her bellybutton?
Her boyfriend's blonde too!
current mood:  giggly
current music: Jesus & Mary Chain- Reverence
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| Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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12:09 am - time for another survey, damnit.
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Name: Robyn
Pregnant or Breastfeeding: 3 weeks pregnant, planning on breastfeeding
If Pregnant, Due Date: Nov. 10
Number of Children: second
How many Girls: one
How many Boys: this will be a boy
Married or otherwise: I have a boyfriend, though he's probably not going to stick around
Hobbies: Reading, listening to music, stretching *before I got pregnant*
Current Emotional State: Right now I'm all happy, cause I was playing with my neopet, lol
Work or Stay at Home: looking for a better job, but I work right now
Number One Goal: Stay in school
Biggest Struggle: Keeping the relationship together through this
Biggest Pet Peeve: Everyone asking "You're really pregnant?" I know they're weirded and all, but it gets old, lol.
Depression Related Issues: Sometimes I get sad about how young I am
Treatment: I know I won't ever take anti-depressants without trying everything else first
Favorite Book: Aimee, Tedner
Favorite Movie: Radio was pretty good, lol
Name for Baby: Gabriel L.
Age: 18
current mood:  quixotic
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| Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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10:51 pm
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So today I set up the doctor's appointment. They will do an ultrasound, and if the baby isn't cooperating, I can come again. Isn't that sweet?
It'll be a boy, I'm positive. heh pray to god. But all I really need is a healthy baby, I guess I'm (3 wks), almost a month, and not even worried about morning sickness. Blood tests last time told me I've got high protein, and I can get new tests done tomorrow... What do they check for? I don't relaly know. heh
But mostly, I'm just anxious about the ultrasound. I just want to know what I'm looking at this time. Life is so amazing.
current mood: awake
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| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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11:24 am
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My latest craving: sour cream. I don't know what gotten to me, but how can I refuse something that strong? I even put it on some crackers this morning. I wanted to try some on chips, but my mom walked in and would've yelled at me. What an interesting feeling this is!
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